What to Do When You Don’t Understand a Child
- Rose Reyling
- Jul 29
- 5 min read
Hey there, amazing caregivers!
First, let’s take a deep breath together. If you’ve ever had a moment when your child looked you in the eyes, clearly trying to tell you something and you just couldn’t figure it out—you’re not alone. It happens to all of us. Yes, even speech-language pathologists!
These moments can stir up all kinds of emotions: frustration, guilt, helplessness, even sadness. You want to be your child’s safe place, their translator, their comfort and when the message doesn’t come through, it can feel like you’re letting them down.
But hear this: you are not failing. These moments are part of the journey, and you’re doing something powerful just by showing up, staying curious, and continuing to try.
In this post, we’ll walk through what to do when you don’t understand what your child is saying or trying to communicate—without creating pressure, and with compassion for both of you.
How It Feels for Your Child
Imagine trying to tell someone you’re hungry… or scared… or that you want your favorite toy—only to be met with confusion again and again.
For children who are late talkers or still developing expressive language, this isn’t just frustrating, it can be very discouraging. After enough attempts that fall flat, some children begin to shut down or withdraw. They may talk less, try less, or stop initiating altogether—not because they don’t want to connect, but because they’re starting to believe communication doesn’t work.
And that hurts.
These are the moments when your response matters most. By staying calm and showing your child that you’re still listening, still trying—you send a powerful message:
“It’s safe to try again. I care about what you have to say. I’m not giving up on understanding you.”
What To Do When You Don’t Understand
You don’t need a perfect script—you just need a few flexible tools. Here are my go-to strategies:
🧩 Repeat What You Do Understand
If your child says something unclear, start by reflecting the part you did catch.
Child: "Muh go bah!"
Adult: “GO… hmm… you said ‘GO.’" (pause look at them with smile and allow them to continue)
You're validating their effort, showing you're listening, and inviting them to keep trying.
🧠 Use Context Clues
Look around, tune into the environment. What’s happening? What were they just doing? Is there a toy, food, or object involved? What gestures is my child using? All of these can help fill in the blanks.
Your child points to the fridge and says, “na-na-na-na!”
You say, “You want something...a banana?”
Even if you’re not sure, offering a possibility lets your child know you’re trying.
🎯 Offer a Choice
If you're really stuck, offering two choices can be a lifesaver.
You: “Do you want a snack or a toy?”
You: “SEE Daddy… or STOP Daddy?”
Watch for their reaction—eye gaze, reaching, pointing, vocalizing. It reduces frustration and gives them more control.
👣 Ask Them to Show You
Children are amazing nonverbal communicators. If you're unsure, take their hand and try saying:
“Can you show me?”
“Let’s go look together.”
Following their lead often helps decode the message and strengthens your connection.
👀 Stay Face-to-Face
Getting down to your child’s eye level helps you read their cues and helps them know you’re tuned in and trying to understand.
"You're looking at the blocks. Oh! Do you want to build?"
🗣️ Model, Repeat, and Expand
Once you think you know what they meant, model a clear, simple phrase back to them:
Child: “Ba!” (while pointing to bottle)
You: “Bottle! You want your bottle. Here you go— bottle.” (as you hand it to them)
Even if you're off base, you're giving them helpful language models in a calm, loving way.
💛 Even if you guess wrong, what matters most is that your child sees you trying. That effort teaches them: “My words, and even my attempts are worth something.”
❤️ Be Honest and Kind
Sometimes, even when you’ve tried all the strategies above, you still might not be able to figure out what your child is trying to say. And that’s okay. Communication is complex—and you’re human.
Instead of pretending to understand, respond with honesty and warmth. Acknowledge that you care, that you’re still listening, and that you’ll try again later:
“This is a really tricky one. I'm sorry I don't understand. You’re working hard. Let’s take a break and try again later.”
"I know you're feeling upset. I'm sorry I don’t understand. Maybe you can tell me later.”
These moments—when nothing seems to work—are still powerful opportunities to build trust and strengthen your connection. When you stay calm, kind, and honest, you’re showing your child:
It’s safe to make mistakes
Their effort is seen and valued
You’re someone who stays connected, even when it’s hard
Being honest doesn’t mean giving up. It means showing your child that communication is a process—and they don’t have to go through it alone.
Real-Life Scenario
Scenario: You’re getting your child ready for bed. They say, “Nuh-nuh-uh!” and point toward the living room.
You kneel down and say, “You’re telling me something. Let’s go look.”
[Child leads you to the couch where there is one of their books.]
You smile and say, “Ah! You want your BOOK! Thank you for showing me. You want your NIGHT-NIGHT BOOK! Let’s read it.”
You just turned a moment of confusion into a win for connection, trust, and language growth.
Download the Free Visual Handout
Looking for a quick reference of these strategies? I’ve created a downloadable handout with the core tips in an easy-to-follow format:
Feel free to print it, save it to your phone, or share with other caregivers and educators!
Final Thoughts
Not understanding your child in a moment doesn’t make you a bad parent—it makes you human. These moments aren’t roadblocks; they’re invitations to slow down, stay connected, and build trust.
And for children who are late talkers or navigating communication challenges, your patience becomes their permission to keep trying.
You won’t always get it right, and that’s okay. What matters is that your child sees you trying, hears you being honest, and knows they’re worth the effort. That’s what builds connection and resilience over time.
Let's Stay Connected
At RosyTalk, I’m here to support you and your child every step of the way. If you're looking for guidance, coaching, or just someone to listen and brainstorm strategies with, you’re always welcome to reach out.
📱 815-587-4452
Let’s keep growing, learning, and celebrating your child’s communication journey—together.
You’ve got this. 💛